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MANY PEOPLE ARE probably aware of the presence of Club Lapello on Dame Street. The mysterious black strip club is sandwiched gently between two sandwich shops (Centra and KC Peaches). Despite the universal acknowledgement of the business, few people ever venture inside.

Thanks to Google Maps, anyone who has ever walked past and wondered what the interior of Club Lapello is like can now check it out from the comfort of their own homes. Of course there are no dancers inside but there are definitely people more curious about the decor than the employees.

Let’s take a look at what’s inside.

The first room we see is a tiny hall. It’s more like a porch. It has a sign inside advertising the clubs very own currency, which they call “Lapello Dollars”.

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Sounds like the Paddy’s Dollars episode of It’s Always Sunny. Best of all, if you look very closely at the bottom there is an important disclaimer.

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“Cannot be used to purchase food or drink”. There goes your plans to  have a carvery in Club Lapello.

After the foyer, you walk through some red curtains.

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This leads to a little reception desk that has two bottles of Moet waiting for whatever stag party is coming in. There’s also a mixture of photos and paintings of semi-clad women to prepare customers for what lies ahead of them.

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The next area is the bar.

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Which is stocked with a load of Heinekens and Coronas, which seems exactly like what you would expect.

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Opposite the bar, there’s a small seating area with a flat screen TV up on the wall. What do they play on this TV? Is it like when you go into a newsagents and the TV is constantly playing Sky News? Do they play the weather forecast?

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Unfortunately there is no way to find out unless you’re willing to pay €15 to enter this establishment. Three is also a pretty weird number of stools to have.

Then we have the main area.

It looks nothing like the strip clubs from Grand Theft Auto.

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There’s a small stage that makes you worry about whoever will be dancing on it. There’s not a lot of room for mistakes so please be careful and do not fall off. Beyond that there’s a throne.

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This is either for whoever the stag party is being thrown for, or anyone who wants to feel as if they are in The Wright Venue. How do all of the potted plants survive in such a dimly lit room? There can’t be very much photosynthesis going on in Club Lapello.

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This very dark corner inhabited by a lone fire extinguisher is inaccessible on Google Maps. Presumably, from looking at that crack of light leaking into the room from the door in the background, it’s the fire exit.

That’s not the end of the tour though…

If you explore thoroughly, you’ll find that there’s another door in the foyer that isn’t immediately noticeable.

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It’s easy to get distracted by the notice for Lapello Dollars and over look the red welcome mat that leads down a set of stairs. These stairs lead down to a very poorly lit cave.

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There’s another champagne reception when you enter the cave.

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Then there is a private area that looks a lot more like something from Grand Theft Auto.

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The rest of the downstairs area is far too poorly lit to share since most people aren’t in possession of night-vision goggles. Yet for some reason, there are still potted plants downstairs. Surely they’re fake, but I doubt they do much for atmosphere in an almost completely dark room.

It is not clear whether or not you can buy a torch with Lapello Dollars, but it’s definitely something that management need to take into consideration, because it’s very hard to look at the Google Maps version of it without straining your eyes, let alone go there in real life.

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